How Healthy Eating In Pregnancy Changed My Eating Habits

Missuswolf How Healthy Eating In Pregnancy Changed My Eating Habits

Who would have though that experiencing pregnancy would alter my eating habits – for the better?

Certainly not me.

I was a firm believer that once I was pregnant, my life was over.

My body would not be my own and I would be destined for a life of sugar, caffeine and cake.

Granted those treats still feature in my life but on a balanced scale now.

This time last year I was scoffing two easter eggs (I kid you not) – and tonight I’ve been scoffing hard boiled eggs.

Missuswolf How Pregnancy Changed My Eating Habits

Ahh the days of consuming two Easter Eggs

Yeah – I know. So rock and roll now.

But the hard-boiled-egg habit started when I was pregnant.

The healthy lifestyle all started with the obvious

– not drinking alcohol.

I was miserable and panicked at how I would cope. My weekends revolved around food and drink. Not only could I not drink, that first trimester I lost my appetite and dropped eight pounds.

The second trimester I craved chicken, rice, fruit and veg.

It’s like my body only wanted to eat what was good for it.

Someone at work brought in a hard boiled egg one day and that was it. I batch-boiled on a Sunday, stored in the fridge and ate them during the week.

I was eating poached eggs on toast or overnight oats for breakfast. In the third trimester, I started with good intentions. The extra 200 calories were coming from a slice of toast with butter at breakfast. I admit that those calories increased as this last milestone went on (Easter Eggs).

Frozen green beans became a regular addition to meal time dishes. One of my favourite meals is the Slimming World Carribean Pepperpot Stew.

The third trimester, however, was a different story.

I maintained the boiled eggs and healthy eating.

But my pregnancy vice was puddings. Puddings and Easter Eggs.

I reasoned that because I couldn’t drink, I’d treat myself to a pudding instead.

But the arrival of Easter Eggs in the shops tipped me over the edge.

I was on my feet a lot in my job and the Little Lady’s last growth spurt seemed to depend on sugar.

And so did my body two weeks post natal. Hospital meals (FYI Crammie hospital meals – unreal. I didn’t want to leave that place), visitors with food parcels, endless cups of tea and treats. I told myself they were all part of the ‘healing’ process from my section.

That was the last of my unhealthy run (bar a little slippage on summer holidays and over Christmas, which is inevitable).

Once I was left to my own devices and routine with little E, I reverted back to those healthy habits I’d picked up during pregnancy.

I also started healthy eating in the form of (my own version of) slimming world, baby-friendly workouts and walking introduced me to a healthier lifestyle.

And by own version of slimming world I mean I followed it to a degree.

To the degree that included the healthy food. I, however, lost count of the synnage a fair few times with coffee and cake clubs.

Hey ho Mat Leave Life and all that.

But you need a balance in life to be happy.

I’m nearly a year post partum (bliddy hell when did that happen?) and my eating habits are the best they’ve ever been.

I’ve always drank loads of water and I continue to do so. I drink hot water and lemon and limit myself to one cup of coffee a day (a new motherhood habit I’m finding hard to kick).

I don’t drink anywhere near as much alcohol, despite missing it when pregnant.

But I think that was more because I couldn’t have it than actually wanting it. As time went by, I wasn’t as bothered.

I’m a planner by nature and as I have to be super organised now to get myself and a child out the door (very early doors) I now find I meal prep too.

Like a boss.

Don’t get me wrong – I still enjoy pizza Friday’s.

B A L A N C E

Inspired by Instagram fit mammies, I factor in thirty minutes every other night fitness routine at home.

If I’m honest, I couldn’t face Instagram when I was in hospital.

I felt like a fat blob and I refused to lower my confidence with images of incredibly toned mammies.

But that was my own fault for following them when I was pregnant.

Which is a sad factor of society now.

But it spurred me on – in a good way. Some accounts that I follow motivate you to incorporate home workout routines around your baby.

They motivate and inspire. Not brag and dictate.

Which is the difference.

I try and run (I’ve found I can run much further since having a baby?! Bizarre. And with a buggy too) as well as attend exercise classes. I tried a new one this week called Pound.

A workout with drumsticks.

Great for letting out your aggression and toning, especially your arms.

The results? I’m actually nine pound lighter than I was pre-pregnancy.

It makes me look back and think that my lifestyle did need a shake-up. I drank far too much and ate unhealthily.

And it’s sad the mindset my pre-pregnancy self was in. That I believed I would evolve into a fat mess who loathed myself.

But joining the motherhood morphs you into superwoman in so many ways. You balance your life, your work, your home and your child – giving you the ultimate sense of empowerment.

You feel like you can conquer the world.

This drive made me determined to be strong, fit and healthy.

If not to survive my new chaotic lifestyle, to set a good example to the small person that I’m raising.

Love Missuswolf xxx

Image credits – Easter Eggs (myself obvs!) and the pretty boiled eggs – Pixabay

Not Losing Yourself To Motherhood

Image from Unsplash

I’ve been married nearly ten years and part of the reason I didn’t have a baby straight away is that I was scared to lose myself to Motherhood.

I didn’t want to become a ‘modern mum’ who had ‘lost the plot’.

I’ve written this post on the back of reading Why Mum Must Come First (Sometimes) – a very interesting and honest post by Gemma Capocci.

I found myself reading about a person that – if I’d have had a baby at aged twenty-three – I know I would’ve become.

I’m not saying anyone has to be an older parent to be a better parent. That’s not my point at all.

But I just did.  I needed a few years under my belt to let off steam. To go on holidays and grow in my career.

I feel stronger and more secure in myself than I did ten years ago.

All that combined gave me the strength to recognise my faults and weaknesses as a person and gauge how I’d react to Motherhood.

I knew breastfeeding wasn’t for me. And I felt strong enough to vocalise this.

Thankfully, the battle I envisaged with a matron health visitor turned out quite the opposite. The most unmatronly HV simply said that as long as the child was fed, she would be happy.

How I chose to do it was up to me.

How liberating!

I feel like there’s a shift coming up in Motherhood. Thanks to the internet and blogging world, information and experience is readily available.

Yet so are opinions.

I don’t give advice. I just say what has worked for me.

You can listen to advice and scaremongering until the cows come home. But one thing I will say is that old cliché of trusting your instincts. Be strong in your mind, your thoughts and intuition.

What I’ve learnt about myself over all these years is that I knew if I didn’t keep busy and look after me too, I would get depressed. There’s been days where I’ve felt down and pissed off that this had become my life.

Frustrating seems to be the word that’s summed my maternity leave up.

And I’m glad it’s nearly over.

There. I said it.

But I don’t care. Because I’ve fought for nine months to make sure that I’ve made time for me.

The Perfect Parent brigade can throw stones at me all they want.

Even they’ll break eventually.

No one can keep up that perfect act.

So I’ve gone to the gym. I went on my first night out six weeks postnatal. I’ve sat and wrote blog posts. I’ve had my hair and nails done.

And do you know what?

I’ve got a very healthy happy nine month old whose got a very happy, healthy mamma bear.

She’s going for her first hour at nursery tomorrow and I couldn’t be more excited.

One whole hour to myself. One whole hour for her to explore and play.

Balance.

I can’t wait.

To restore that balance.

And don’t feel guilty that you’re sending them to nursery. That post above discusses the need to feel we have to stay at home to give them the best in life.

It had the opposite effect for that person. They experienced anxiety and depression. Which didn’t benefit mother or baby.

Childcare is costly but it’s only temporary. And they develop unbelievable amounts mentally and socially.

And so will you. As you have a break. A chance to go to work and get your identity. Feel like you have a purpose in life other than being a parent.

I knew before I had a baby that I wasn’t going to be forced into anything I didn’t want to do. My main priority was that she took her milk, we all got some sleep and that we both got fresh air once a day.

And gasp – I wasn’t always thinking what was in her best interest. Some days I was like ‘What can I do today to stop me losing the plot in this mundane cycle of Motherhood?’

I’ve written about it before and I’ll bleat on about it again: Looking after yourself benefits both of you.

We’re not going to be joined at the hip forever and one day she’ll have a mind and voice of her own. She will want to do what she wants and thinks is best.

Then what’s left of me if I’ve neglected myself?

So please please please look after yourselves!

Get involved in buggy bootcamps/swimming/pregnancy and postnatal yoga. Treat yourself! Buy that damn top for you instead of another baby outfit. Don’t forget yourself!

Join a gym and get your mam/dad/gran to push the buggy round the local shops while you do a class. I did bodypump at exercse4less while my Mam pushed E round the Range.

It was good all round. I got to a class, my Mam got to see Ella and she did a bit of shopping too.

Of course you want what’s best for your baby.

But you also want what’s best for yourself.

Love Missuswolf xxx

 

My LushTums with Laura Journey: Yoga – Bump, Baby and Beyond

Wednesday 2nd November 2016

Pregnancy Yoga

A cold Saturday morning in January 2016; that’s when my LushTums yoga journey started.

Missuswolf blankets set up in circle in room for pregnancy yoga

A sneak peek at Postnatal Yoga for mamas and babas

Seven months pregnant and ploughing through a busy work schedule (my own doing – I felt like I had the energy to cope) this was my chance at ‘time out’.

To bond with the bump.

You see, for someone who likes to be organised and plan things,

I was pretty nonchalant about the whole baby thing.

Due in March, I flippantly put off doing anything remotely baby related until after Christmas. I think I was clinging on to whatever I had left of my old life.

Making the most of it.

I’d never considered going to any ante-natal classes (gasp) and pregnancy yoga hadn’t crossed my mind.

I went to they gym right up until I was twenty weeks pregnant. It’s here that I experienced round ligament pain in my lower abdomen and back as well as mild SPD.

So the gym stopped and that was the start of all the belts and bands.

Then I learnt a fellow friend was pregnant.

This fellow friend suggested that we go to pregnancy yoga together and she’d found one that had just started up. Unfortunately she wasn’t far enough on to join the group yet and I would only be able to get to a few before they broke up for Christmas.

A New Years Resolution was made there and then for us to both join Lush Tums with Laura Pregnancy Yoga in the January.

We rocked up that Saturday to a local gym in Blyth where we were met by the lovely Laura. This session was actually free as it was a taster session.

The room was set out with yoga mats, a block, a pillow and blanket each which were laid out in a semi-circle. Laura had her own set up in front of this, alongside a heater (the room was cold and it was mid-winter) relaxing music and a burning incense stick.

As soon as you walked in, there was on overall sense of calm – and camaraderie.

I didn’t really talk much about my pregnancy at work as I was always out of the office on a project. Plus it was a male dominated office. There was only so much (and so far!) I could talk about.

So this hour and a half on a Saturday morning was like the mother-ship; somewhere to retreat and immerse myself entirely in being pregnant. With no distractions.

The first part of the session started with Laura introducing herself, the housekeeping and what we should expect from the class.

To begin with, she went round in turn and asked:

  • How far along you were
  • What kind of week you’d had
  • Any specific aches or pains
  • Anything else you’d like to share

I honestly felt like I was at pregnancy therapy.

I’m not one to normally open up in group environments but I couldn’t help myself here.

Especially as the weeks went by and I had to come to terms with a breach baby and an inevitable section.

This was then followed by yoga stretches. These were catered towards specific areas of the body that people were having problems with. It was great for loosening up, my neck especially. It creaked really bad when we did the head rolling but my god it felt good.

It also helped ease my lower back pain.

The session involved meditation. We put one hand on our heart and the other on our bumps.

I enjoyed this as I probably went through most of my pregnancy in denial. Not in a bad way. I’ve always liked to be busy and on my feet and the bigger I got, the more I had to come to terms with my lack of movement.

I couldn’t race around anymore. I would get frustrated that I couldn’t do things . The meditation helped me connect with my bump and try to shift my focus.

The session then ended with a fifteen minute relaxation period. We all lay on our left hand sides, our heads on the pillows and I’d use the block to support my bump, with the blanket covering us.

Laura then played Steven Halpern Comfort Zone as she turned down the lights and guided us through meditation into relaxation.

This was delightful. And I nearly always fell asleep.

It was the perfect way to start the weekend.

As the weeks went by, you’d watch as the girls whose bumps you’d come to know, gradually disappeared.

The first one to go for me was Rachael.

Life has a funny way of making your paths cross and a whole new part of your life exploding.

I remember Rachael running late for one particular session as she had been taking a Tots and Tums class beforehand (see Tots and Tums).

My ears pricked up.

Life after birth.

I needed to find something to be part of to keep me sane.

Laura encouraged us to keep in touch by creating a Facebook page for the Lush Tums Bumps and Birth side and one for the Bumps, Births and Babies side.

I watched as Rachael left to have Evie. I heard about her groups and what she did through Laura.

So when I had Ella, there was an overwhelming sense of belonging when Laura invited me to the Bumps, Births and Babies. She announced Ella’s birth to everyone and welcomed us both to the group.

It’s here that I found my mammy tribe. It was slow in forming as we were all at different stages of pregnancy, but over the summer, there was a few births and out of that was born Cake Club.

We’d become Warriors.

And the lovely thing about it is that the mammies in the tribe, we weren’t all at pregnancy yoga at the same time. I’d left when some of the other girls joined. They’ve since had their babies and we’ve all met up at the Tots and Tums classes.

A nice little support network.

We swapped stories on how we had used pregnancy yoga in labour.

Missuswolf woman in mothering lotus

Nadia using pregnancy yoga during labour

 

Nadia’s waters had broken. She invited me over for a 1-2-1 and we had such a beautiful session. We did yoga as well as mothering lotus meditation mudrah.

My Birth Story

Again, I think I was in denial that I was in the very early stages of labour. I remember experiencing strong period-pain type cramps on the Wednesday night.

As a first time mother I didn’t know what to expect.

I stupidly carried on painting the hallway as I was in a ridiculous stage of nesting.

The cramps would come and go and did ease off so I just put them down to Braxton Hicks.

They woke me at four in the morning. So I went downstairs, had some peanut butter on toast and put on Grey’s Anatomy. I then got on all fours and did the figures of eight and breathing techniques. I figured if I could eat then I wasn’t that bad.

So off I went to work. In complete denial.

As the same happened that night. Up at four, eating toast, Grey’s Anatomy doing yoga stretches in between.

I timed the pain and there was about four minutes in between.

I’d even phoned the hospital who told me not to come in.

I went back to bed.

And woke at six to get ready for work.

Still experiencing the pain,I then had a bleed. Something that had never happened in the entire pregnancy.

I knew then that shit was about to get real.

Back on the phone to the hospital while standing circling my hips and doing the ‘grounded’ movements, they advised me to come in for a check-up.

Even they were quite laid back by it all. When I asked if I should bring my bags in they said only if I wanted too.

So I took them. Just in case.

With the hubby. Who was in his uniform ready to go to work after the ‘check up.’ Hell even I was intent on going to work afterwards to.

But the ride to the hospital had me concentrating solely on my breathing. Although i do remember us driving up the Laverock Hall Road in Blyth. The sun was out – the first time it really felt like Spring.

And I remember thinking

‘today would be a good day to have a baby.’

Once in the hospital room, I was on my feet the whole time, circling my hips, transferring my weight from one foot to another, practising keeping grounded. All the while concentrating on my breathing.

It was confirmed I was three cm dilated and baba was still breach so off for a section I went.

I just went into a zone.

And I believe that pregnancy yoga helped me get into that zone, that calm frame of mind.

Postnatal Yoga With Babies

Over the summer, Laura trained to do the postnatal side of the yoga.

Missuswolf Postnatal Yoga blankets on floor in circle in room

This was a little different in the fact that the bumps that were once in the way were now little humans who craved attention.

Laura held sessions at people’s houses and her own.

The class was exactly the same set-up with the same equipment.

But now instead of how many weeks pregnant, it’s how many weeks/months old is the baby. Yet it’s still a chance to talk about how you’re feeling as well.

This is where it came to light that some of the girls had been struggling with various forms of depression over the summer but no-one really knew.

It re-enforced the importance of talking to each other and supporting each other.

Postnatal yoga once again brought us all together and opened us up. People ask for help if they need it. They talk about things more openly.

And there was the relaxation part too. Ten minutes instead of fifteen as there were little distractions. But Laura took the babies off us and soothed them to allow us to get that time. Which is needed now more than ever.

Missuswolf woman holding two babies at postnatal yoga while sat on the floor

We even did one session in Ridley Park! That really helped us feel grounded; being out in the August sunshine, on the grass under the trees.

Missuswolf Mother and children lying in park doing yoga

Family affair! Rachael’s family loved it.

The relaxation part of that was probably the best I’ve experienced. There’s something about being outdoors in the sun relaxing on the grass.

The sounds, the smells, all very comforting.

Missuswolf woman lying doing yoga in the park holding baby

Laura took Ella while I did my relaxation – aaaah

 

I look back on that day with fondness.

Missuswolf woman doing yoga feeding baby in the park

Multi-tasking Mama

It was a good day.

Postnatal Yoga – For The Mams

And finally – postnatal yoga just for mamas.

I went to one at the Albion Centre in Blyth, which is where all the new classes are now being held.

It was a Friday night and we joked that it’s rare to be out the house past 7.30 on a Friday night anymore. I know. How my life has changed! Unheard of until July last year when that blue cross appeared!

This was weird. Good weird. No bump, no baby. Just full dedication to ourselves.

Again, there’s the chat at the start. This is now how far postpartum you are, as well as how you and baby are doing.

Then we get to experience full yoga.

And the fifteen minute relaxation period was back hurrah!

There was a strange feeling about the class. Three of us had done the pregnancy yoga together. I don’t think we realised but when we went to this postnatal class, we sat in the same places that we used to at pregnancy yoga. Creatures of habit.

The strange feeling though.

I can’t really describe it.

Like we had been on some incredible mission together. We’d been through each other’s ups and downs from pregnancy, birth and postnatal. And here we were.

We’d made it. We’d survived.

And we are stronger than ever.

We are Warriors.

Missuswolf Postnatal Yoga teacher in warrior pose in Ridley park

Love Missuswolf xxx

 

 

Pregnancy: Fetal Movements Matter

Wednesday 26th October 2016

The charity Tommy’s has this month launched it’s Movements Matter campaign.

The campaign is to raise awareness of the importance of monitoring baby’s movements during pregnancy.

Getting to know your baby

and your body

Each baby has their own individual pattern and this is what you need to monitor.

I say this because when I was pregnant with Ella, she moved mostly at night time.

I’d be sliding into bed about 9pm and just getting settled, when the movements came.

And boy did they come.

But I became accustomed to it. She’d kick in the morning when I started eating my breakfast.  I’d then get a few kicks throughout the day. However, the bulk of her movement was always at night. Typical party animal. Like her parents.

This was my pattern.

I knew it inside out; my body was in tune with her movements.

This is what you need to look out for.

Your baby’s pattern.

And take note of when the movements slow down.

Reduced baby movements can be the first sign that a baby is in distress. Recent research has shown that around half of women who had a stillbirth said that they had noticed that their baby’s movements had slowed down beforehand

And ALWAYS go with your instinct.

Missuswolf Tommy's Movements Matter Campaign pregnant woman holding belly

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt since becoming a mammy,

it’s to trust those instincts.

They are with you from the moment you are pregnant and they are there for a reason.

Our recent survey showed that 52% of women would be worried about looking for help when they notice reduced fetal movements due to a fear of ‘wasting midwife’s  time’.

What’s that old saying? ‘Better Safe Than Sorry’.

It’s always better to be over-cautious.

It is heartbreaking to think that babies’ lives may be lost because women are not aware of the importance of monitoring fetal movements. Or because women are afraid of ‘wasting midwives’ time’. Raising awareness and empowering women to seek help promptly could save lives.

That’s what the midwives are there for.

Use them.

Contact them.

There is always someone at the end of the phone. Please, use it and put your mind at rest if you notice any changes or you just feel that something is not quite right.

Stillbirth rates are shockingly high in the UK – in 2015 we ranked 24th out of 49 high-income countries. For every 220 babies born in the UK, one is stillborn.

So please, spread the word. A similar campaign was launched in Norway and bought stillbirth rates down by a third.

If you’re pregnant, become in tune with your body and your baby.

Get to know those movements.

And the moment something doesn’t feel right, pick up that phone.

Kick Me Baby One More Time – as Movements really do Matter.

Love Missuswolf xxx

Twenty Facts About Me

Wednesday 21st September 2016

I was nominated by the lovely Naomi of Not a Perfect Parent Blog to write twenty facts about me.

Well, here goes …

1). My first (and probably most fun) job was working as a chambermaid at the Holiday Inn when I was sixteen. I worked weekends while at school and during the week in the school holidays. Many a time I turned up hung over (uh-hum again sorry mam). Not an ideal state for clearing the remnants of a stag do in a hotel room. Bah. I worked there with a couple of friends which certainly made it entertaining.

2). I’m terrified of wasps. ’nuff said.

Missuswolf Wasps

3). I have two tattoos – a faded Tinkerbell on my right (I couldn’t even remember which side so I’ve just had to look) shoulder, which I had done when I was nineteen. Obvs I regret it now and I’m looking to get it inked over (any recommendations of what to get/where to go are welcome). I also have the word’s ‘A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes’ on the left-hand side of my ribs.

4). I got to the final of the Newround’s Press Packers Journalism competitions – twice. (Cheeky blog post plug – read all about it and look at embarrassing photos here). I sadly didn’t win but got a trip to London and the Blue Peter Gardens (which were soooo much smaller in real life) out of it. Score!

5). I was the Princess of the Keel Row Shopping Centre in Blyth when I was about ten years old. Crrrriiiiinge!! I had to open shops and walk down the shopping mall with Santa Claus. I was a moody ten-year old and ungrateful for the opportunity.  I had a face like a smacked arse when I had the privilege of walking next to Santa. Ooooof!

6). I was part of a girl group at the age of eight called ‘The Disco Dancers’. We used to dance to 2 Unlimited’s ‘Get Ready For This’ on our front driveways. We used to wear (inappropriately) our crop tops and cycling shorts. We even sold tickets to people in the nearby streets to come and see us. Tickets which I typed up on my Typewriter (I was super excited by this). Strangely enough people actually bought them. But once the ‘rents found out we had to return all the money and cancel the show. hmmmph!

7). Although I’m on Maternity Leave and my love for my child is unquestionable – it’s the hardest and most mind-fucking job I’ve ever had to do. I’m an impatient workaholic and this mixed with child-rearing does not bode well. I clash with babies (you’d never guess it from previous blog posts?)

8). I love to swim. My dad taught me and my sister’s from a young age and we all love the water. I remember pulling that trump card out when I went swimming with my hubby for the first time. It was many years ago. He didn’t know and thought I would be shit like I am at most sports. But I beat him. Winning!

9). I have odd-shaped ears. One is shaped like an elf ear – my pixie ear. I could have easily been cast in Lord of The Rings and there wouldn’t have been any need for prosthetics.

Missuswolf Cadbury's Easter Eggs10). When I was pregnant, my biggest and most unforgiving craving was Cadbury’s Dairy Milk. My third trimester clashed with the Easter build-up. You know – that build up where the supermarkets have a seemingly endless supply of those little eggs (pictured). The ones that are about a quid, with a Freddo or a creme egg to accompany them. Those one’s that are cleverly displayed at the front of the shop for greedy cows like me. I used to nip in for milk or a loaf and come away with two easter eggs and a cake. All for me. Fatty Boom Boom!

11). I’ve been to Vegas three times and it’s def an Adult’s Playground. I want to go next year for our ten-year anniversary. Hubby doesn’t  and wants a family holiday. Suppose I should stop being selfish and succumb to the family holiday.

12). I’ve been to Mexico where I was a Bridesmaid for my best friends wedding. It was an unbelievable holiday and again somewhere I’d love to go back to. Eventually (prob when I’m fifty now – groan).

Missuswolf Mexico

Aaaah Mexico

13). I’ve been with my hubby sixteen years and we’ll have been married ten next year.

14). We were one of the latter couples in our friendship group to have kids. We kept putting it off in favour of holidays and getting everything out of our system (pissed). I’m so pleased we did. It’s bloody hard work parenting and anyone who has a baby to save a relationship is mad. It’s the one thing that tests your relationship – even a one that’s sixteen years old.

15). I love Jazz music. Strangely I went to a psychic about six years ago who not only told me to write but that there was a black jazz musician spirit following me around. Spooky.

Missuswolf Radler's

16). I have seasonal alcoholic drinks. I drink white wine and Radler’s (Foster’s and cloudy lemonade) in the summer and red wine and Bailey’s in the winter. Obvs not mixed together though. Yak.

Missuwolf red wine R

17). I love cigars. I’m like a bloke from the fifties – cigars and bourbon. I went to Cuba three years ago where this was very acceptable. I love a good ‘ladygar’ and often buy one when I’m going to a wedding. Yup – I’m that classy. I smoke one at the night-time do. Last time I did it was just before I fell pregnant. I stood outside with some of the girls at a wedding; rather like a scene from high school – puff puff give.

Missuswolf Cuba Cigar

Gotta love a ladygar (sorry mam). Oh to be that thin and carefree again!

18). I love Girls Aloud. They were the soundtrack to my twenties. My friends and I would pester the DJ (sorry Liam) in the Travs at Crammie (RIP Travs) to play them. So we could dance and twirl around like twats  amongst the punches and chair throwing. Good times.

19). I also love Beyonce. Pure girl-crush for this lady. She’s so empowering – works hard and a very good example to her little woman.

20). I’m obsessed with the word Empowered. Since bearing a child I’ve gone all #whoruntheworld and in constant #warrior mode. I don’t know whether this work ethic is to set a good example for Ella or a subconscious effort to escape the daily parenting job …

So now you’ve realised I’m a crazy cigar-smoking-easter-egg-eating elf, I now nominate:

The Sparkle Spy

Elementary V Watson

Hartlepool Family

Book And Brew

The Sweet Guide

 

Love Missuswolf xxx

Images – a mixture of my own and from Pexel

 

Post Natal Depression – It’s Ok Not To Be Ok: PANDAS PND Awareness Week

PANDAS COVER

 

Although I haven’t suffered from Post Natal Depression (aside from the common mild baby blues just after Ella was born) I know a few people who have.

Men and Postnatal DepressionHaving not suffered I hope I’ve done PND justice for those who have and are suffering with it in today’s blog post. I also hope that I do raise awareness for people who need help. Parenthood is a rocky enough ride and we need to support each other whatever way we can. And please remember – both men and women can suffer from Pre and Postnatal depression.

My baby blues mainly consisted of midnight meltdowns – sleep deprivation plus a crying baby made me yearn for my old life. What the hell had I done?!

All joking aside though, it’s hard work being a new parent and adjusting to your new life.

Mild baby blues are extremely common to start with and normally disappear within a couple of weeks.

But for some people, they never go away.

Postnatal Depression Symptoms PANDAS

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair few sporadic down days after having Ella and I’ve put coping mechanisms in place for these. But it’s when these odd days become long periods of time that it’s best to talk about it and seek help.

I was worried that I’d be prone to PND. I’m the type of person who needs to keep busy. I have an overactive imagination which needs distracting otherwise I overanalyse and worry about ridiculous things.

I’m very aware of depression. I know people who have suffered it and I’ve experienced it mildly a few years ago, when I wasn’t happy in a job. At the time I don’t think I acknowledged how down I really was and I didn’t really talk about it (other than whinge to my hubby!)

Looking back, I wish I had spoken up. My focus at the time was determination to change my life. I shifted my focus into getting another job and writing.

I’ve always found writing therapeutic and, after having a bad day a few weeks ago, I’ve thrown myself back into it again.

Me time.

Which I think is important because as parents, you tend to forget about yourself. Allowing yourself time each day for something that is just for you that you enjoy, is important. Take the offers of help and have a nap, a bath, go for a walk to the shops or out for a drink with a friend.

The baby will be fine in the company that it’s in. And you will return to your bundle of joy revitalised and with new energy to give them those big cuddles that you sometimes take for granted.

Reflecting on the early years of this blog, writing is what kept me going through a time when I felt low. It gave me a purpose. And although we have the biggest purpose in the world looking after our gorgeous babas, we do need to have a purpose that is just for ourselves.

PANDAS Post Natal Deprssion - writing

If you’re reading this and are feeling any of the symptoms, speak up and get help. Write things down if that helps. I know it does for me as it clears my ever-clogged brain.

After experiencing that very low period in my life, I was worried that I’d suffer from Postnatal Depression.

Having worked full-time all my adult life, I’ve been so used to being busy. The thought of going from a chaotic work lifestyle surrounded by people, to a much slower pace at home with only a baby scared me and I worried how I would adapt.

I was hoping that I knew enough about myself that I could avoid feeling it.

 

I’m of the opinion that a healthy mind and an active lifestyle make for a happy mama – and a happy mama equals a happy baba. So my strategy for after having Ella was to get busy and get involved – to get out there to Baby Groups and Buggy Bootcamps.

You may well have a chuckle at all that absurd things I get caught up in but I’m telling you – they’ve saved my sanity.

Socialising, fresh air and exercising.

Planning something to get out of the house for in a morning (such as the Tots ‘N’ Tums classes in Blyth) helped me enormously in those daunting early days when I was left alone with a baby. To get out and meet other parents and have a chat with a cuppa.

I was also lucky to have a good support network of friends who’d already had kids. They encouraged me to go out with them early on, even giving me lifts when I couldn’t drive after my section, which I’m eternally grateful for.

And it seems to have worked for me so far.

But this doesn’t work for everyone.

I’ve learnt that Post Natal Depression is not something you’re ‘prone’ too and there’s not a ‘type’ of person to suffer from it.

Anyone can get postnatal depressopm

It just happens.

It makes you feel like you don’t want to do any of these things no matter how well intended you may have once been.

And it doesn’t always happen in those early weeks. It can creep up on some people a few months after the baby’s birth too.

This has only come to light in the last couple of weeks with some of the mammies I got to know when I was pregnant. I hadn’t seen some of them for a while at any of the groups and there were reasons for this.

I heard accounts of what they’ve been through with Post Natal Depression and Post Natal Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And the common theme that helped them all through – was talking.

Postnatal PTSD/Birth Trauma Symptoms PANDAS

Talking to someone about it – that has been the key to their journey of recovery.

Asking for help.

And that’s what groups like PANDAS is here for – a support group which gives people with pre and postnatal illnesses the chance to support each other through their ongoing recovery and build the confidence they need to return to a good quality of life.

You can read more about the group at their website: PANDASfoundation.org.uk

Below are some very honest accounts from some women who have experienced Postnatal Depression

 My Journey With Postnatal Depression by Heather Raffle

I realised I had post natal depression late in October 2014. Austin was only 4 weeks old. I never imagined for one second that I would ever suffer from post natal depression even though I’d suffered from depression in the past. My mother suffered very badly from post natal depression and had recognised the signs in me so sent me to the DR’s. I felt horrendous, a failure, not a real mother. How could everyone else cope and I couldn’t. The whirlpool of self-doubt and embarrassment just didn’t stop. Then I talked to my wonderful dr, she had suffered with her 1st baby and was told to just get on with it. She was the most understanding and comforting person I’d spoken to in weeks. She wanted to treat me with antidepressants, something that they commonly do with post natal depression because other methods of help are just too time consuming for a mother of a new baby. 

 

I was told from the second Austin was born that I would have this unconditional love, this sense of belonging and undying need to protect him. Do you know what? I didn’t, I resented him. I resented his cries, his need for affection, his need to be loved by his mother, to add to the stress he was also lactose intolerant, something we didn’t realise until he was 6 weeks old. I felt this way until he was around 6 months old….but now, oh my word, I feel it! So strongly it physically hurts sometimes! Haha! 

Postnatal Hands PANDAS

 

The more I spoke to other mothers about it the more I realised its a very normal thing, so many women suffer and do it in silence because they’re afraid of judgement. Who are we to judge anyone else? All us mummies should stick together. 
When Austin was about 9 months old I started leading baby sensory classes, which was wonderful!! I got to see mummies at their most venerable, spend time with them, nurture them and help them all through the tough times they all faced, depression or not. That helped me come full circle, a safe haven for the mummies attending and me running them. 
Austin is 2 years old in October and I still have moments where I get sad about the lack of bonding we had in those first few weeks but he’s no less loved, he’ll always be my first beautiful baby and for the happiness he brings me everyday I can’t thank him enough. There is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel and from experience please don’t be afraid to talk, it really does help. 

 Mummies need to take time to find themselves following the birth, especially with the first. It took me well over a year to make time for myself and to find my identity as a person and not a mother/wife.

The life of a PND Sufferer – by Rachael Logue

Rachael runs Tots ‘N’ Tums in Blyth and is also a local PANDAs contact

I didn’t recognise that I was suffering from Postnatal Depression straight away, despite being trained in PND and Mental Health and previously suffering depression.

You see, my own business collapsed three years ago when the funding ceased. I had to let go of twelve members of staff; twelve local people all with families to look after and roofs over their heads – twelve people who had bills to pay.

Just like me.

I suffered from anxiety which turned into depression.

Post Natal Depression - Image from Unsplash

Through suffering depression three years ago, I recognise that I have manias: On a high I can take loads of work on and I feel like I could conquer the world. Last week , I had three really good days where I was involved in Jolly Babies, Lush Tums Postnatal Yoga and then a day trip to Whitby with my family. On a low, I want to shut myself back in my bubble, away from the world.

I’ve learnt that it’s all about understanding me as a person.

Which I thought I did when it came to having my second child, Evie, back in February.

I had Evie at 09.50 in the morning and I was out of hospital and home by 5pm – make-up on the lot – getting on with motherhood. 

My feet hadn’t touched the ground.

I went back to work after six weeks on the Postnatal Depression project that I had created while I was pregnant.

I was busy;  I’d get up and take Cameron to school and then I was off working at the groups that I’d set up.

I was focusing so much on my family and supporting other families in my work that I completely forgot about myself.

My breakdown point was when I’d left the house really early one morning. I was just walking around Blyth in the rain in what I can only describe as a confused mist. I felt lost and numb.

Postnatal depression talking PANDASI remember the day. It was a Tuesday.

I couldn’t think straight.

I found myself walking towards and going into Talking Matters on the main street in Blyth. They couldn’t see me straightaway but they did give me a leaflet with a contact number on. I rang the number and talked, which helped a lot. 

I knew what I needed to do but I just hadn’t been thinking straight. I made a doctors appointment that day. 

I gained support from the doctor who didn’t dismiss it as just the ‘baby blues’.  They prescribed me some medication – sertraline. I’m now into week eight of taking this. 

Sertraline tabletsWhen I was suffering Postnatal Depression, I wasn’t one for not getting up and ready in a morning; I had to do this to take my oldest to school. It was the little things – like the thought of folding clothes. Simple chores became too much to deal with. I also went into a zone where I didn’t want to see or contact anybody. I wanted to stay at home, just me and Evie.

I retreated into my own little bubble.

You hear of mother’s not bonding with their babies, but my motherly instinct and love for Evie was over-the-top love. I’d do things like take Evie off my partner when he held her.

I’ve found that you do forget about yourself and therefore you do need to take time out. I did postnatal Yoga in Ridley Park on Friday and, although I had both kids with me, it was still time doing something for myself. Cameron even enjoyed it, it was accessible to things he never thought he would be interested in. It showed him that it’s not all about xbox and school, that it’s natural to go into the park and get involved in other activities with other people.

Rach Evie and Cameron

I’m slowly getting back on track now and I’m taking things one step at a time. I’m in a good place now and getting out and just talking with other parent’s has made a huge impact already. I’ve found that it’s good to talk and not suffer in silence.

 My PND Story – By Louise Sharp

I’m no longer ashamed to admit that I have trouble remembering the first two years of my son’s life. I can not tell you at what age he got his first tooth, his favourite food as a baby, his first word or when he began to sleep through the night.  I’m not even sure of what age he took his first steps.

 Postnatal Depression PANDASMy second child, I can tell you all her milestones. I think that’s mainly due to the amount of times I’ve had to go over them with paediatricians, therapists, doctors. She has autism, and was finally diagnosed at age six just last year.

My youngest,  Emily. I know all her firsts. Mainly because I was extra vigilant looking out for any red flags we had with my eldest daughter.

Each pregnancy was different. All had the usual sickness and discomfort.  But my third pregnancy, I just wasn’t feeling those feelings you associate with pregnancy. The excitement,  the happiness, the eagerness. I didn’t really feel anything.

I brought my feelings (or lack of) up with my midwife whilst getting my bloods done. I was assured it was perfectly normal , due to hormones and it would all settle down probably by my next appointment.

 

Postnatal Depression PND

Only it didn’t.  I didn’t take joy in shopping for baby clothes, I was in no rush to pack my hospital bag, I just wasn’t feeling it. I was emotionless.

I booked a 3D scan around the 32 week mark, hoping that would make everything feel more real, I don’t think it did. It was a wonderful experience, of course it was, but the sadness continued.

The years which followed my daughters birth in September 2011 were dark, very dark. I was dealing with the likelihood of my oldest daughter having autism, which was causing stress along with that lingering feeling of worthlessness. But before even falling pregnant with my daughter, I was dealing with body image issues. I hated my appearance to the point it was affecting my everyday life. These feelings got worse. I’d stay home all day unable to face the world, or I’d only leave the house when it was dark. I’d avoid mirrors and my reflection in windows. I’d panic if we had a party or wedding to go to. I hide away in the toilets to avoid any social interaction.  And my heart would pound and my  head spin if I saw anyone with a camera.

Pre/Antenatal Depression Symptoms PANDAS

I’d apologise to my children, as small as they were and unable to understand, for being a useless mother. I’d tell them I loved them as the tears rolled down my face, and that I was doing my best. I’d ask my husband why he was with me and give him the option to leave, which always left him gobsmacked and confused.

I’d go to bed each night and secretly wish I wouldn’t wake up. I’d have dreams of living a life where I am happy and have friends around me, and wake up devastated when I realised they were just that. A dream

My husband found me a video on Youtube about the ‘Black dog’, and asked me to watch it. I did. I broke down and he told me to get help.

Pre/Postnatal Anxiety: Symptoms PANDAS

I went to my GP, told her my feelings and filled in a questionnaire. From that she gathered I had depression and extreme anxiety. I was referred to the Mental Health Team. Again. I was already in therapy before falling pregnant with Emily dealing with body image issues. Hence my panic when faced with the prospect of having my photo taken. I was a mess. An absolute broken mess

That was September 2013. From then on I had fortnightly visits from my Health Visitor. She didn’t come to pry or check up on me. She came to lend and ear aswell as advice and support, and I thanked her for that.

October 2013 I began attending well-being courses. I picked up techniques to deal with stress, become assertive and gain confidence.

Summer 2014 I had my first appointment with I think it was a life coach. She pretty much assessed me to see if she could help. She couldn’t. My condition was too extreme.  I was then referred to a clinical psychologist. Again

PANDAS Pregnancy imageI met with my therapist every two weeks and I think I had around 10 sessions before I decided I felt ready to face the world alone once again.

I learned through these sessions I was suffering with post-natal depression, and that the depression had even grown DURING pregnancy. I found out through a quick glance at my notes at the doctor’s surgery as they came up on the computer screen during an appointment, that  I had been suffering with PND after the birth of my second child. I found out through a letter sent to my doctors and a copy to sent to me, that I’d even been suffering with PND after the birth of my first child way back in 1999. I had my son at 21 so I’d spent most of my adult life with depression. I genuinely thought I was just useless, unlikable, disgusting. I was non of those. I was depressed.

PND took away my memories of my first child growing from baby to toddler, it kept me indoors, it filled me with fear, took away my self-esteem and stripped me of my confidence.

 

When the therapy ended, I took up blogging. I decided to chase my dreams and enrolled on a distance learning course. This both occupied my mind and my confidence began to grow. I‘ve taken up exercise, and spend most days either in a gym or an exercise class. I’ve made new friends. I even spend two hours on a Sunday night as part of a team for a local radio station. I’m still building up my confidence to become more involved, but I know I will. I know I can do it. I can do anything if I continue to believe in myself.

Postnatal Depression PANDAS

Over the months I’ve thrown myself into situations I would usually avoid. I’ve done things I could never imagine doing and I am in a place now where I have never been in before. A very good place and although I am an anxious person by nature, I have my anxiety under control and I will never let depression take over my life or steal my memories again.

 

Depression During Pregnancy

 

You can also suffer from depression during pregnancy. Fellow blogger Adventures of a Monkey Footed Mummy experienced this and you can read all about her very honest account here.

Talk to someone

So please, please if you’re reading this and feel like this relates to what you’re experiencing, don’t hide it away.

If you’re suffering but not saying, just remember:

It’s OK not to be OK.

Love Missuswolf xxx

Bump Not Frump: How I Styled My Baby Bump – Maternity Glam

Bump

Not

Frump

It’s September 2015. I’ve not long announced we’re expecting baba W and it dawns on me of all the social gatherings I’ll have to attend whilst up the duff; two wedding’s, an engagement party, a 30th birthday party, the WHOLE festive season, my birthday. How am I going to style this growing bump?

image

Thankfully being the latter of your friends to procreate has it’s pros.

For starters, there’s a Communal Maternity Wardrobe circulating that is added to and passed on.  It consists of a winter coat, a few tops, a skirt and some jumpers, all bought from the likes of New Look, H&M and George at Asda. We’re all various heights so we buy our own jeans/leggings. To be fair, H&M normal leggings will actually suffice rather than their maternity ones.

For jeans, I bought two pairs in the Next sale:

A light pair of flared jeans with a band that were super comfy at the beginning and post natal (I’d been after a pair of flared jeans for ages before I found out I was pregnant. Bliddy typical that the perfect pair were god-damn maternity ones! Never the less I still wear them now and they’re perfect for those I’m-bloated-like-a-whale-so-I’m-going-to-stuff-my-face-even-more-days).

I also bought a darker pair that went over the bump. I wore these the third trimester and are pretty useless now I don’t have a bump.

Oh – I also bought a pair of black maternity jeggings from New Look that have an elasticated band. I wore these all the way through my pregnancy (although they were a bit snug towards the end!) I got some wear out of them post natal too (eventually) when my thighs decided to let go of a bit of baby weight.  I’ve worn them so much I’ve had to throw them out this week (they had a hole in the crotch haha!)

I have friends who bought the Maternity Leigh jeans from Topshop. I own a pair of the normal Leigh jeans but couldn’t face buying the Maternity ones. I don’t think they would have fit my thighs. (I had issues getting back into my normal Leigh jeans waaaaah! I think I tried them on too soon post baby and cried when I couldn’t fit my calf in them. Not good when you feel like a hormonal hippopotamus. These are now the skinny jeans I talked about in This Girl Needs To Run sausages-in-lacky-bands complex).

I also had a couple of pairs of the normal stretch t-shirts from Primark,  which lasted me throughout the entire pregnancy. Abeit they were slightly stretched towards the end but for around £4 a top there’s no love lost there.

But enough about boring daywear.

If, like me, you find you’ve timed your nine month’s sober when your social calendar is the busiest – fear not! Here’s my rundown of Style The Bump Survival:

Wedding Ready

image

 

I borrowed this ASOS Maternity dress from a friend. ASOS really is the go-to website to style the bump. They have such a wide choice of maternity clothing at decent prices (more on this to come). Plus, they’re designed to stretch with your bump, so you can wear them at all stages of your pregnancy. image

 

Granted my bump here looks little more than bloat but what a great excuse to let it all hang oooot.

I had a spray tan done by the lovely Penny which made me feel a million times better. I’m not normally one for spray tans but I went all out for anything that perked me up when I was pregnant.

Engagement Party Ready

imageThe Engagement party was a week after the wedding. Bloody typical – these gathering’s are like buses, nowt for ages then two come at once. For this I wore a non maternity dress – a jersey black dress from Miss Selfridge that is so comfy. I’m not normally one for Body Cons – even with spanx I feel like they show all my lumps and bumps. However, pregnancy made me release my inner Body Con goddess (!?) I felt that as I didn’t have to hold my stomach in, now’s the time to embrace it! I originally thought I’d opt for clothing that was loose and covered my bump but those types of clothing made me feel and look bigger.

I had a voucher still from my birthday (way back in January!) for a Mac makeover which I was saving for a special occasion. Seen as though I couldn’t get drunk I thought I’d treat myself to some make-up pampering. I also treated myself to some make-up goodies which is always a bonus. I love the Watt’s Up highlighter from Benefit. Always good for a bit on contouring and this strobing lark.

I still had a bit of colour on me from the wedding spray tan too hurrah!

Wedding Number Two

image

Evening do for a work pal of hubby at Hardwick Hall so I would have been driving anyway as it’s about forty minutes away; the rule that it’s his friend so he can drink. This is a non-maternity dress that I’ve had for a couple of years (it was a Christmas party dress alternated at different work dos circa 2013/2014!) Dress is from New Look



Thirtieth Birthday Party Shenanigans

Bonbar for a good friend’s thirtieth. This is from the Asos Gamze collection, which I was so eagerly

imagewaiting to launch just a month before this party. I wouldn’t normally brave something like this – a crop top with cleavage, mid driff on show and a split in the skirt. But there’s something about being pregnant that made me feel like I could get away with this. My boobs were finally a decent size and the skirt cuts at a flattering waist angle a-la- Kim Kardashian.



Tis The Season to be the designated driver …

image

Asos Gamze, my hubby’s Christmas jumper and a dress I got from Next in the sale. Again, not a normal one I’d go for and oddly enough I bought this before I knew I was pregnant. It stretched with bump and I wore this a lot of times throughout my pregnancy.

I bought a navy maxi-dress from ASOS Gamze that had a split up one side. I’d bought this to wear at Christmas but my bump never seemed big enough for the dress. Alas I got to wear it at literally the very end of my pregnancy – to an awards do at work (I had baba the morning after oooops!) Sadly I don’t have any photo’s of this, which I’m a bit gutted about.

image

So there you have it – a pretty basic mish mash of maternity and normal clothing. Although I’m not too sure of the tights on here. These were actual maternity one’s from ASOS but I wouldn’t recommend them. They didn’t fit my bump properly and the crotch area seemed all out of proportion. Looking back they’re also too light for what I normally wear. I found that my non-maternity Primark tights did a much better job sitting under my bump.

My go to shoes were the black pair in all these pictures from New Look. I didn’t want too high a heel but I’m not a fan of kitten heels either. This one was just right.

The bag is a black Cambridge Satchel that it is perfect for day and night wear. Classy and simple. I got this from my lovely friends for my thirtieth birthday.

I did buy a pair of maternity dungarees from ASOS with the guise of wearing them a-la-Kirstie Allie in Look Who’s Talking. I looked ridiculous. Let’s not go there.

Oh and one final tip. Lips. Get yourself a lovely dark lippy like Topshop’s pink coloured All About Me or purple coloured Wicked.

That always made me feel uber glam.

Love Missuswolf xxx

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